The Fruit of Gentleness
Let’s play a game called What Would You Do? We are going to list out some scenarios and give you 2 options that you can choose from on how you would respond.
Scenario 1: You and your friend are getting into an argument. Both of you start to raise your voices and can sense the anger from each other. Your friend says a very hurtful comment that she knows would make you angry! So, what would you do?
Make sure to hurt her feelings and not let her win the argument
Share how you are feeling without letting your anger get the best of you
Scenario 2: You and some co-workers decide to go out for lunch. As y’all are hanging out y’all start talking about a co-worker that frustrates you. You notice that they don’t like him either and they start gossiping about him and sharing things about him that are not nice. So, what would you do?
Join in on the teasing session with some witty remarks
Decide to say some positive comments to change the tone of the conversation
Scenario 3: You and your spouse are building a bookshelf together. He doesn’t want to follow the instructions since he said it’s easy to build. You are following along with the instructions and notice that he is using the wrong screws for the shelves. So, what would you do?
Let him get frustrated at the end when he catches the mistake and laugh at him for not using the instructions
In a polite way let him know the mistake and join in on finishing the bookshelf together
We would like to say that we would choose option B for all the listed scenarios, but we know there are times where the flesh wins. Listed below are some ways that can help us to have more gentleness in our lives and hopefully help us to make better decisions with tough circumstances.
Jourdan’s Definition:
The dictionary defines being gentle as “having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character.” When someone is rude, mean, or angry towards us, it is so easy to respond with the same negativity. However, the Bible tells us that this only makes things worse:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Gentleness does not engage with anger. Instead, gentleness responds to anger with tenderness. However, do not mistake gentleness with weakness. It may sound counter intuitive, but gentle words can still be powerful:
Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
While writing this blog, I came across a silly example that might help explain what you might see as a juxtaposition. I recently bought a new nail product called Dashing Diva (basically artificial stick-on nails). Along with the nail strips, I also bought a nail remover product called “Magic Off.” The description on the box says: “Gentle solvent that softens and dissolves nail adhesives without damaging your natural nail.” You see? The product can be gentle and still get the job done. It does not have to be harsh or damaging to be effective. I think this is the perfect analogy for what God intends when He instructs us to be gentle. We can get our point across and effectively communicate without being harsh or damaging. We can be both soft and confident; tender and strong.
Both of the Proverbs above use gentleness to describe a way of speaking. This tells us that when God instructs us to be gentle, He means to be gentle in the words we use and the way we speak to others. Gentleness is shown through our reactions and our responses. We can achieve this by educating ourselves before speaking out. Remember the phrase, “think before you speak”? To be gentle when you speak, pay attention to the motive behind what you are saying. Are you trying to manipulate, convince, or persuade someone so that you get your way or are you seeking to understand their point of view? Are you adding fuel to the fire or deescalating the situation? Are you being argumentative or trying to come to a resolution?
Going back to Proverbs 25:15, it is not literally suggesting that words can break bones (nor is it condoning violence). It means that responding with gentleness is a powerful weapon that can be used to defeat evil. Gentleness is not a weapon available to our enemies, therefore it gives us an advantage.
In 2 Corinthians Chapter 10, Paul writes to the Corinthian Church. In the verses below, He is specifically addressing false teachers within the Church:
By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.
2 Corinthians 10:1-4
The war that Paul references is a spiritual war and the weapons that we fight with are the Fruit of the Spirit. And one of the most powerful weapons when it comes to interacting with others is gentleness.
Nohemi’s Definition:
I know I have had moments when I could have gone crazy on someone due to them saying something hurtful or someone being mean to me or someone not saying “excuse me” when they bump into me, but instead I chose to be gentle. Having gentleness means that you also have to have humility. Taking my examples from earlier, if I would have responded in a negative manner, it would have hindered a chance to show God’s gentleness that he has instilled in me.
In Philippians 2:1-11, it talks about imitating Christ’s humility. Within this chapter there is a verse that really sticks out every time I read it, which is verse 7:
“Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”
By doing this, Jesus was able to walk among us, to teach us, to be close to us, and reveal himself to us. Does that not blow your mind knowing a King of Kings, Lord of Lords chose to be human, chose to be a servant for us! He knew since He was going to combat sin He had to be gentle with us in a way that we could comprehend. When we read about how God spoke to us in the old testaments, He came as a burning bush, a thick cloud and in a gentle whisper (Exodus 3, Exodus 19:9, 1 King 19:12). He wasn’t able to talk to us directly because of who He is. I don’t know about you, but if I saw a burning bush talking to me I would have freaked out! What he did was such a humbling thing in order for us to draw near to him.
During his time, Jesus stayed humbled and spoke with gentleness and love. Even when people slapped Him, spat on Him, and even mocked Him. When I read about His death, it makes me upset how they treated Him, but yet again Jesus shows us how to be gentle and to show humility with love. Luke 6:27-36 instructs us on how to show gentleness with our enemies - verse 29 says:
“If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.”
Talk about a hard thing to do! But it is something we can do, Ephesians 4:2-3 states this will keep the bond of peace. So, next time you want to act or speak in a harsh way, use Proverbs 15:1:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger,”
Let this be a starting point to help you have gentleness in your life.
Core Fruit:
While we are called to display all nine fruit of the Spirit, we believe each of us has a fruit that is at the core of our being. It is the fruit that we display most often, the one that defines our personality, or the one that comes easiest. As promised in the introduction of this series, we want to help you identify your “core fruit.” We felt inspired by the idea behind the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Just like knowing your love language can strengthen your relationships, so can knowing your own “core fruit.” We believe leading with the fruit of the Spirit helps us to relate better to God, and in turn others.
Your “core fruit” might be gentleness if:
You are humble
You are a good listener
You are considered soft-spoken
You are compassionate
You are an animal lover
Questions to think about:
How would you define “gentleness”? What are ways that you can be more gentle?
